20th January 2015: Warning, rant time

Warning, rant to follow so if you want to skip to the end and just tell me if you are playing this week then do so because I don’t know what I am most angry about this week, whether it is you jumping to the end of not being bothered about what is making me angry or my comedy fall on the ice in the gym car park on Sunday, a real legs above the head way-hey moment, or the old woman I then offered to help across the very icy section on which I had just fallen who refused my help on the grounds that I was suddenly so obviously inept in her eyes, or the American politician who referred to France as the mother of democracy and offended my ancient historian sensibilities making me shout ‘what about the ancient greeks you Texan befuddled twit (well actually it was far worse but some of you may have filters on your email’) at my television or the ref at Hillsborough at the weekend (and before anyone shouts, the better team won but the man in black was awful for both teams, a true pantomime horse) or my son feigning man flu as the reason to finish the box of fancy chocolates I was saving from Christmas and please note I’m not even going to joke about the recent events in France because they are too tragic and senseless for cheap laughs from this amateur hack but just to say I wish to offend no one with cartoons but will defend their right to offend so je suis Charlie and je suis ahmed in equal measure and this is the week I was going to write about how last weeks game was an absolute cracker and I’m now going to have to rant at myself for nearly forgetting I was going to do that, because it was: what a game indeed, worthy of being a series decider, although the way the Whites turned up in their pristine white shirts, the shirts of champions, and their freshly purchased tanned skin, and their flash new boots, and even the cream cup final suit, don’t think we didn’t notice you scouse steve, sneaking in just after we started, acting all Robbie Fowler, I think all that Real Madrid Ronaldo-esque waxed and oiled legs pre-match strutting was somewhat un-necessary. Worthy champions the Whites have been in this series, dominate and powerful and brushing aside every challenge and for this I doth my northern, industrial Darks cap, although I do believe the Darks can take pride in the way you had to fight for the final victory. See how good these games are when we have the numbers on the pitch…I can feel a rant coming on, best stop here and ask…

It’s a new series, 4 series each, a new dawn, what will it bring. Will the Whites, with their newly found heavy investment and prima-donnas continue to dominate or will the ancient northern powerhouse of the Darks re-emerge from their injuries and absences: its fascinating this football lark.

Who will be there to kick it off?

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