And so to the eighth world series.
This can be best described as:
Whites won: infact they didn’t just win, they won with such dominance the governing bodies would normally be investigating for irregular betting patterns and checking blood samples. It wasn’t just the victories in numbers of games, 11-4, but the manner as well. Whilst the Darks could point to it being a period of sustained weakened sides, injuries and absences and never having a settled team throughout being the constant theme for them, the Whites took advantage with a fit, settled and ruthless display. They were the Real Madrid of Puskas, the Liverpool of Dalgleish, the Wednesday of…well there must of been a time, however brief.
It was also a series where little was written, perhaps it was a coincidence, perhaps it was something more, perhaps it was a dark age in itself. It is said that football never flourishes when true competition doesn’t exist, and true competition needs two strong teams. Art flourishes in the bosom of creativity and excitement, not in the hollowed out chest of the downbeaten….oh who am i trying to kid, I was just knackered.
These are some snippets of the few occasions when i got chance: apologies to the Whites for not writing more about how good they were but hey, I don’t play for them and their heads are big enough already, and they kick me a lot, and i mean A LOT!.
11th August 2014
First up last week’s game was in the end declared void because of the selfish act of one individual: angry mick, who threw himself irresponsibly to the floor, whilst trying to do some step over standing on the ball Brazilian fancy trick, despite no one being around him, knocking himself out, splitting his head open and causing what was a very exciting 3 v 4 to be declared void: ruined it was, and only the sheer volume of his barnet and the gel in it and volumising shampoo he obviously uses saved the pitch from significant damage. Mind you when he was coming round he made more sense than he normally does, still shouted at Paddy, poor Paddy wasn’t even there.
So still 1-0 to Whites in the 8th World Series, who is there this week?
23rd October 2014
Yes a tardy service this week, not unlike the many trains I have spent my week upon and there hangs a tale I will not bore you with but non the less here I am and once again I ask of you all in an urgent and breathless manner, and a little demandingly for a need a swift answer to allow me to do a quick headcount (not easy for a man with limited naturally mathematically ability and your often undoubted resemblance to a herd of infant school children on a school trip overdue for toilet break) who is there tonight?
I believe it remains 4-4 in games I do believe (or maybe 3-3), but I am sure Jono will correct me and Leeds Rob will try to mislead me by inflating the Whites score.
[ note to readers…and now the Whites run began and the Darks did not win another game]
11th November 2014
I’m trying to do a proper match report for last week, I kind of feel under the spotlight after Jono’s match report the previous week and I can’t…all I can remember is that White’s won an entertaining match that swung back and forth with a few dodgy decisions along the way and some marvellous shooting, I particular remember one shot from Scouse Steve that positive screamed into the top corner, I recall us hitting the woodwork a fair few times and my bottom lip popped out, ok ok ok I’m sorry, hands up, having a hard time of it at the moment, too many bad dreams about Lisa and you guys copped for it, very sorry….but…..Paddy was in the area and all I did was make sure it was a bit obvious that he was, its it so wrong to expect a little honesty from the Whites from time to time ??????, I rest my case your honour and take on board Jono’s final comment of the night that in truth the match was already lost by then but even so, in such cases all that we had left to fight for was our pride, and for justice, and that is something for which I will always fight, always, to the bitter end, for I believe that a man can find no greater glory and honour than to stand before his peers and say ‘yes my bottom lip may have been jutting out, my toys may have been strewn across the court but I was standing up for what I believed in, for justice and the rule of law. For that is the very thing that binds our great nation together; that which lies at the very heart of our democracy, that essence that is our England, that we gave to all the world, that we have stood for, over centuries, in far flung nations, against mighty odds, and we will stand for again and again and again and I am proud to fight for to the bitter and indefatigable end, justice, pride and the inescapable fact that Paddy was in the area and he refused to admit it!
Whites are leading the World series by 1 game I believe (although I may be wrong, it might be 2): I think it is 5-4?
[note to readers…ahh there’s a clue to the problem, i lost my partner to cancer and for a while struggled to write…didn’t struggle to shout at Paddy and the others though, thankfully they understood and didn’t beat the shit out of me, needed them to help me through it, thank f##k they did]….[he was still in the box and it was still a penalty to us though]
13th January 2015
What is happening to once mighty all conquering Darks? Where has this run of incredible form the Whites are on come from? Are the Darks Dortmund and the Whites Bayern? Is it Barca and Madrid, where is our Messi and who is your Ronaldo….oh the temptation is huge but I will restrain myself…mind you even that feels quite nice mmmmmm I say…..are we now Liverpool and you Chelsea. Could this be the week when another series is won? 10-4 it stands in games, the Whites and the single series lead to the Darks could evaporate. Is the balance of power finally swinging away from the aging, injury stricken, transfer embargoed Darks?
and the final wrapping up match report of the series…
Warning, rant to follow so if you want to skip to the end and just tell me if you are playing this week then do so because I don’t know what I am most angry about this week, whether it is you jumping to the end of not being bothered about what is making me angry or my comedy fall on the ice in the gym car park on Sunday, a real legs above the head way-hey moment, or the old woman I then offered to help across the very icy section on which I had just fallen who refused my help on the grounds that I was suddenly so obviously inept in her eyes, or the American politician who referred to France as the mother of democracy and offended my ancient historian sensibilities making me shout ‘what about the ancient greeks you Texan befuddled twit (well actually it was far worse but some of you may have filters on your email’) at my television or the ref at Hillsborough at the weekend (and before anyone shouts, the better team won but the man in black was awful for both teams, a true pantomime horse) or my son feigning man flu as the reason to finish the box of fancy chocolates I was saving from Christmas and please note I’m not even going to joke about the recent events in France because they are too tragic and senseless for cheap laughs from this amateur hack but just to say I wish to offend no one with cartoons but will defend their right to offend so je suis Charlie and je suis ahmed in equal measure and this is the week I was going to write about how last weeks game was an absolute cracker and I’m now going to have to rant at myself for nearly forgetting I was going to do that, because it was: what a game indeed, worthy of being a series decider, although the way the Whites turned up in their pristine white shirts, the shirts of champions, and their freshly purchased tanned skin, and their flash new boots, and even the cream cup final suit, don’t think we didn’t notice you scouse steve, sneaking in just after we started, acting all Robbie Fowler, I think all that Real Madrid Ronaldo-esque waxed and oiled legs pre-match strutting was somewhat un-necessary. Worthy champions the Whites have been in this series, dominate and powerful and brushing aside every challenge and for this I doth my northern, industrial Darks cap, although I do believe the Darks can take pride in the way you had to fight for the final victory. See how good these games are when we have the numbers on the pitch…I can feel a rant coming on, best stop here and ask…
It’s a new series, 4 series each, a new dawn, what will it bring. Will the Whites, with their newly found heavy investment and prima-donnas continue to dominate or will the ancient northern powerhouse of the Darks re-emerge from their injuries and absences: its fascinating this football lark.
Who will be there to kick it off?